Proud to be his daughter.
I’m not a daddy’s girl.
I say that with utmost conviction. Seriously, I’m not. Even though I grew up with my father, I’ve never really developed an amazing relationship with him, where I can share my problems and openly talk about stuff. Don’t get me wrong. He’s amazing. It’s just that he’s never been, my friend.
As I’m typing this, I am getting emotional watching the video my brother made for his birthday. Seeing photos of him through the years just brought back so many memories. I am his only daughter so imagine how protective he is of me.
During my elementary days at Assumption, he will bring and fetch me to school for six years every single day. He’s very invested in helping me with my lessons. My dad makes me handwritten practice tests every quarterly exam. I will answer them, and if I don’t pass his standards, he will make a new one and let me answer again. Crazy. I know. As a kid, I never understood that completely. I would secretly hate it because all I want to do is read other books or watch TV. But my dad’s not having that.
High school came, and he still does that. He helps me with my lessons. He and I would stay up late studying algebra and trigonometry. He made me love Math when everyone else hated it. But during this time, it was also a challenge for both of us and our relationship. I don’t even want to get into details so much because it was a stage in my life that I don’t ever want to look back or even re-live. Long story short, I rebelled. I would get scolded every night, cry myself to sleep hating my life, and then go to school as if nothing happened. My dad has this unfaltering patience to make me understand how he only wants what’s best for me. But to me, that was all nonsense. I broke his heart, and he broke mine.
College came and yes, you guessed it right. I’m still very much the apple of his eye. Lol. Well, for a change, he let me study on my own and checks up on me from time to time. I spent my college days away from home and it was the first time I felt free from his prying eyes. I loved every single moment of it. Our relationship got better for a bit because I had fewer judgments about what I do. After all, no one is watching.
At 25, whenever I go out, my dad will make it essential for me to go home at either 6 or 7 PM. It was a no-fail, on the clock, template looking message: “Where are you? It’s late.” I’d stare at my phone in disbelief or sometimes, ignore it. Of course, I was being defiant. Lol. I’d go home at 10 PM or sometimes I won’t. The exact opposite of what he wants. It would drive him mad, and I would get sick of him for not being able to let me go and watch me do my stuff and grow on my own. I also wasn’t assertive enough to assure him that I know what I’m doing and he doesn’t need to worry about me. In all honesty, I tend to play dumb and apathetic, because I was sick and tired of the shouting. But the truth is, when he’s not around, my guards are all up. I remind myself not to get into trouble because that’s the reason why I was being yelled at. That’s what he doesn’t want to happen.
I think he only let me go when I was 27. He finally trusted me enough to make my own decisions. He let me do whatever I want. Finally. Of course, he still worries occasionally but that’s normal.
So yeah. We may not have the best relationship, but because of him, I learned that big things come from small beginnings. I learned that if you want something so bad, you have to go for it and don’t give up on it. I learned that if you have food on the table, you don’t look at your neighbor’s plate to see if s/he has more. Instead, look if s/he has enough. I learned that by sharing what you have, things will come back to you ten thousand folds or even more.
He’s been with me in all stages, and important milestones of my life. Still, I’m not a daddy’s girl.
But I surely am proud to be his daughter. Love you always, pop. x